Things a Southerner Would Never Say
* We don't keep firearms in this house. 
* Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer? 
* You can't feed that to the dog. 
* I thought Graceland was tacky. 
* No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe. 
* Wrasslin's fake. 
* Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 
* We're vegetarians. 
* Do you think my hair is too big? 
* I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy. 
* Honey, these bonsai trees need watering? 
* Who's Richard Petty? 
* Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 
* Deer heads detract from the decor. 
* Spitting is such a nasty habit. 
* I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 
* Trim the fat off that steak. 
* Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 
* The tires on that truck are too big. 
* I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 
* I've got it all on a floppy disk. 
* Unsweetened tea tastes better. 
* Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 
* My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 
* I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 
* Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 
* Checkmate. 
* She's too old to be wearing that bikini. 
* Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? 
* Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 
* I don't have a favorite college team. 
* I believe you cooked those green beans too long. 
* Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla. 
* Elvis who? 
* Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. 
* Would you like hash browns instead of grits? 
* Hunting? No, I've already shot my limit. Maybe next time!